


Fears of An Older Brother

by Carioca44



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, But Nothing Too Bad, Gen, Raph's the big brother that loves his siblings, at least at the end anyway, eventually transitions to fluff?, im learning, naturally, so he worries, there's some blood, well i tried doing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carioca44/pseuds/Carioca44
Summary: Raph loves his brothers. That's a fact.He is also very protective of them. That's a fact too.Another fact: his fear is that he can't save them.





	Fears of An Older Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna leave this here before my insecure self says no

_This can't be happening_ , thought Raph, feeling as though his heart was being ripped apart from the seams.

They were going out for a late night run like they normally do, sprinting and jumping across rooftops, trying to outdo the others with impressive flips; they were free to be lively teenagers since there were no new mutants making trouble that night. After their long run, the four brothers debated on what kind of pizza to order - Raph outright _refused_ to get pineapple - eventually settling on the classic pepperoni pizza.

They were just lounging around on a building at Eastman and Laird, hanging out- Mikey was talking about his latest idea on a new art project, when everything went oh so _wrong_.

Large purple vines suddenly came straight towards them, catching the four siblings by surprise and having them scramble away in order to avoid getting crushed; they immediately knew it was Baron Draxum once they were able dodge the incoming vines and get out their weapons. The brothers were not, however, expecting for dozens of yokai to start climbing over the building and attack them.

The turtles were struggling, not at all prepared for this to happen during their family outing. Raph had taken a hard hit to the face, causing him to stumble back, blood beginning to drip down his face. A few feet away, Leo barely missed getting his head bashed in from a baton swung at him, scrambling left and right to avoid getting hit. Donnie was able to thwart off a large yokai with a swing of his staff, only for another to send him crashing into the side of another building, wall cracking upon impact; Mikey managed to swing a yokai away with his kusari-fundo in order to run to go check if his older brother was alright. The two reappeared, the soft-shell had an arm slung over the shoulder of the box turtle; Donnie was a little banged up and slightly dazed but otherwise fine. His recovery was short lived, however, when a group of yokai descended upon them.

To Raph’s dismay, Donnie and Mikey were forced to retreat to away to another block, separating from the group with yokais hot on their trail, leaving just Raph and Leo to battle Draxum and the rest of his goons on their own. God, he hopes that they’d make it out okay.

Leo was starting to get overpowered and desperate, swinging his sword rapidly in an attempt to ward off attacks coming at him, to no avail. Raph kept trying to go to his aid after fighting off an enemy, but there was always another yokai getting in his way. _If only he could get to his brother._

A bat-like yokai was towering over Raph, forcing him to get on one knee and hold it by the wings, trying to prevent its snapping fangs from sinking into his neck when Raph's world seemed to stop.

Leo had just managed to kick a yokai into portal he summoned, sending it to an unknown location, when Draxum suddenly loomed right behind him. Raph saw, in slow motion, as that purple-looking goop that Draxum was able to manipulate solidify around his arm into the shape of a blade, driving it into Leo’s carapace, going through his abdomen, and yanking it out, causing the red-eared slider to jerk and release a painful gasp.

“I told you turtles. I would not hesitate to destroy you.”

Raph, filled with utter disbelief, watched as a Leo slowly placed a hand over the wound and lifting it up, seeing blood coating it. Raph saw as Leo's face began to shift from shock, confusion, and then on horror. A wave of pain overtook him and he began to fall forward, dropping to his knees.

_"NOOO! LEO!”_

Raph didn't even feel himself move as he pushed the yokai off, tonfas lighting up and punching the bat yokai with enough force to send it off the building. He immediately sprinted his way straight towards Leo. With a yell, he drew his arm back, engulfed by the red energy pulsating from the tonfas, and sent his fist slamming into Draxum, making him crash into a nearby building.

As soon as the power from the tonfas shutting off, Raph immediately dropped to his knees next to his brother and turned him over; his hands were hovering over Leo, ultimately deciding to place them over the gaping wound, trying to staunch the bleeding. He tried to ignore the feeling of his little brother’s blood on his hands, and, _god_ , Raph couldn't help but notice that there’s already _so much blood_ pooling onto the ground.

“R-Raph, i-it _hurts_ ,” Leo cried, voice cracking, tears now freely streaming down his face. “I’m scared. I-I don't want to die, Raph. _I don't want to die_.”

Hearing Leo in so much pain made Raph's heart ache. This can't be happening. This _shouldn't_ be happening. They were just hanging out. How could everything change so drastically? Raph took another look at Leo; he just looked so _small_. Raph was well aware that he was significantly larger than the rest of his brothers. How could he not? But Leo never seemed this small until now.

“Hey, hey, listen to me. Yo-you're going to be fine, okay? You're not gonna die. You’re not gonna die. You're gonna be just fine,” Raph said, failing to blink away his own tears. He just felt so helpless. He's the big brother; it's his job to protect his younger siblings, but here he is with his little brother, who is _dying_ right in front of him, and he can’t do a single thing.

“Raph, I don't think I'm going to make it.” Leo whimpered, shaking his head, face scrunched in agony. He coughed, tasting a metallic crimson in his mouth.

“What? No, no. Don't talk like that. Everything’s going to be okay.” Raph shook his head, absolutely _refusing_ to believe that to be true. He has to make it. He needs to make it. Raph can't lose any of his brothers; they're his entire world. “I-I’ll figure out _something_. I-I could get—”

“R-Raph?” Leo said, laying a hand on top of the snapper’s, causing Raph to stop talking and look at his brother. He gave Raph a watery smile. “Tell Dad and the others that I’m sorry a-and that I love them, for me, ‘kay? Please?”

“ _Wha_ -no, Leo—”

“I-I’m sorry, Raph...” Leo whispered.

Raph felt Leo take in a shuddering breath and slowly exhale, his body relaxing. He saw Leonardo’s eyes dimm and flutter close, never to open again.

“Leo?”

He didn't respond.

Raph shook his head. “No. No no no no. Leo? Leo. C’mon, Leo, don't do this,” Raph begged, shaking Leo’s body, “Wake up. C’mon, wake up! You can't do this! _Please, Leo_!”

Nothing.

 _“Leo…”_ Raph cried, squeezing his eyes shut. He bent over, hugging Leo's limp form close to him, burying his head into the crook of Leo's neck; Raph rocked back and forth, his body wracked with sobs.

“I’m so sorry. I'm so sorry…”

He couldn't protect him. He couldn't save his little brother. He failed. He failed, he failed, he failed. _He failed_.

Raph screamed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Raph bolted upright, gasping for air.

He realized that he was in his room after getting control of his breathing. When he glanced at the clock at the side of his bed, it showed that it was still the middle of the night.

Raph noticed that he had woke up crying - if the tears going down his face had anything to say about it. With a shuddering breath, he slowly laid himself back down onto the bed. The snapping turtle brought his hands to his face, wiping away his tears. He then proceeded to stare at the ceiling.

_It was just a dream._

Raph didn't dream much, or at least, he didn't remember them. But when he did, most of the time they were not exactly pleasant (Granted, he’s had his share of nice dreams, but he just wishes they were the ones he was able to remember more). It's been like this for as long as he can remember. In his nightmares, he and his family would somehow end up in a dangerous situation and he would end up losing one or all of his family members because he was powerless to save them. And when he did wake up, he’d find himself crying, not being able to sleep afterwards; he especially hated it when the visions lingered. Sometimes he was lucky enough to wake up before they got worse, sometimes he wasn't - like this time.

This one, though, was especially awful, more so than usual. It felt so real and vivid, to the point where he was actually having trouble figuring out if it was a memory or not.

Raph got up. He was just going to go check up on Leo - to see if he was okay. Sure, it might seem silly that he's going to go check on his brother in order to see if he was alive and breathing just because of some dream, but _gosh darn it_ he was going to do so anyway, just to reassure himself.

Raph crossed the main atrium and headed into the red-eared slider’s bedroom. Deep down he knew Leo would be fine, but he was not, however, expecting to find his younger brother on his bed, wide awake and watching something on his phone.

“Leo?” The blue loving turtle yelped, limbs flailing, almost dropping his phone on his face, not at all expecting anyone else to be up as well.

“ _Gah!_ Raph! Oh, hey! I wasn't expecting you to be up!” Leo gave a sheepish smile after managing to pause whatever he was watching.

“Yeah?” Raph smiled, putting an arm on the frame of the entrance. “I could say the same thing to you.”

“Yeah, well, I'm always up this late anyway.”

The snapper nodded then said, “ What’re you watching there?”

“Hmm? Oh! Just some show called Cobra Kai.”

“Cobra Kai?” Raph tilted his head.

“Yeah,” exclaimed Leo, getting into a sitting position, excited to tell Raph about his new obsession. “It's this new show for the original Karate Kid films, but it focuses on Johnny instead of Daniel. Oh, and the best part is that they have the original actors!”

“Really?” Raph asked, now fully interested. “Is it any good?”

“Uh, _bro_ , of course it’s amazing! It has Ralph Macchio! Like it's the show I never knew I needed. Which reminds me: I need to thank April ‘cause without her, I never would've known about this.” Leo proceeded to go to his message app, getting ready to do just that.

Raph smiled softly, watching Leo, whose tongue was sticking out as he texted a quick message to their friend. Raph always found it endearing whenever Leo got excited over a new show or film he managed to discover; his eyes would light up and he would become more animated than he already was as he spoke of how great it was. In fact, all his brothers had these little quirks that he loved: Leo’s overly expressive demeanor as he talked, Donnie twirling a pencil as he thought over blueprints on his latest idea, and Mikey sticking out his tongue while he worked on an art project. Man, did Raph love his siblings dearly. He can't imagine life without them. If he were to ever lose them… His smile slowly dropped at seeing a flashback of his dream, him crying over Leo's lifeless body.

“Hey, you okay, bro?” Leo asked, interrupting Raph’s inner thoughts. “You seem a little...off.”

“Yeah, just couldn't sleep, that's all.”

Well it wasn't a _total_ lie.

Leo raised an eye ridge, not entirely believing that that was all there was to it. He was always perceptive when he wanted to be.

Leo’s expression turned thoughtful. He looked up and asked, “Well, since you can't sleep, how ‘bout you watch some Cobra Kai with me? I'm only on episode three; I won't mind starting over.”

“You know what? Sure.” Raph headed towards the bed. “Let's see if what you say is true.”

They decided to switch to a tablet so they can watch it on a bigger screen. Raph was lying on his plastorn, propping the tablet by placing it against the wall so Leo can see as well, who was laying on the bigger turtle’s shell, not at all bothered by Raph’s spikes.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. You were right. It's really good,” said Raph after watching the first episode.

“Of course I was right, dude. I'm _always_ right.”

They stayed that way a little while longer until Leo eventually drifted off to sleep on top of Raph by the time they were watching the fifth episode, preventing Raph from moving. Raph didn't mind staying though. Leo’s slow breaths brought a sense of comfort to him, reminding him that Leo was still, in fact, _here_.

Raph was probably never going to tell his family about his dreams, but if it ever got too much for him, he'll tell them. Until then, his brothers would just have to get used to get used to him being clingy the following day of when his nightmares do occur.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually based on dreams I get. I don't dream much, but when I do, they're the kind where I wake up crying (Probably not good, but what's a girl gonna do). And they sometimes had my siblings, and I'll fail at protecting them, which is one of my biggest fears.
> 
> Like Raph, I'm the eldest sibling, except I have two little sisters, whom I love very much and also very protective of. And I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Raph is very protective of his brothers, so I thought, "hey, what if it transferred to his dreams like me?" So thats how this happened.
> 
> Also head canon Leo loves the Karate Kid films so I got him watching Cobra Kai. It's a really good show; you should watch it.
> 
> Anyways, hoped you enjoyed it!
> 
> Bye bye for now!
> 
> tumblr: [@turtleshellz854](http://turtleshellz854.tumblr.com/)


End file.
